Welcome to Straight Wives
of Gay Husbands
FACT: Over 4 million women are currently married to gay men or have been married to gay men in the United States.
FACT: Over 63% of Gay Husbands Will NEVER tell their wives the truth — EVER!!
Bonnie’s two personal mantras for you to repeat daily:
1. Life was never meant to be this complicated. Period.
2. You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you.
Since 1984, I have counseled nearly 100,000 women who discovered after they got married that their husbands were gay/bisexual. This was following the collapse of my own marriage to a gay man in 1982.
It is estimated that in this country, over 4 million women are currently or were married to men who are gay/bisexual, and there are millions more around the world. In almost all of our cases, we were unaware of our husbands' sexuality before the marriage. Why would we think that a gay man would want to marry a straight woman? Even if some of us knew about a "past encounter," we believed that our husbands "tried it" but "didn't like it," and now they know what they want. Most of our husbands didn't come to terms with their sexuality when they married us. They hoped that marriage to a woman would make those nagging attractions to men go away. They didn't — they just grew over time.
When a woman learns that her husband is gay/bisexual, she goes through a myriad of emotions ranging from devastation to repulsion. Some women feel a sense of responsibility, guilt, and shame. Let me assure you that you are in no way responsible for your husband's homosexuality. This was pre-determined before birth, and there is nothing you can do to influence his sexuality. You didn't create it — and you can't change it.
This was not your husband's choice either. He didn't want to be gay. He hoped that his love for you would be strong enough to stop those nagging attractions to men and make them go away. For a time it works, but then nature kicks in and your husband has to face it. Trust me--it's not just about sex. It's about who he is as a person. Sadly, over half of the gay husbands will never tell you the truth even when they leave which hurts even more. It is easy for them to lie to you when they keep lying to themselves.
My goal is to help you understand how this happens and how to cope when you find out. Then I can help you make the difficult decisions so you can move ahead to find the quality of life and the happiness that you deserve. Marrying a gay/bi man was not your choice; however how you do have a choice in how you proceed for the rest of your life. I will help you find the right answers and give you the support you need on your journey to finding the happiness you are seeking.
I offer the following services:
• The official Gay Husband Checklist to help determine if your husband is gay
• Free information and monthly newsletters
• Weekly radio computer show on Sunday at 10 p.m. EST
• Free counseling for gay men who are ready to come out to their wives
• Private counseling for straight wives or couples by phone
• Bi-yearly Healing Weekends
• On-line support for Adult Children of straight/gay marriages
Bonnie's Monthly Newsletter
Each month, I write a newsletter discussing with the issues that affect women and gay men who are married. This is a FREE publication offered to anyone who would like to receive it. The newsletter is sent out as a Microsoft Word attachment but can also be sent as a pasted email if you prefer. You can also read the newest newsletters on my blog by going to this link:
If you request the newsletter, I will also send you some past issues that will give you guidance and support as my gift to you. If you would like to be on the monthly mailing list and receive some past issues, please email me at Bonkaye@aol.com and request it. The newsletter comes out in the middle of each month.
You can also order the collection of the best of my newsletters from 2001 - 2008 in my personal favorite book Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Talk at this link on Amazon.com.